Watch: How to manage conflict in HMOs and keep tenants longer

Caroline Pattinson (00:13.87)

Before I start my talk, I have to acknowledge I have actually colour coordinated to the backdrop, completely unintentionally. Okay, so I was asked to talk about how to consciously manage conflict and recognizing that there was a question from the rear of the room just as that last talk finished about how to select tenants, it really flows nicely into this whole thing. I just wanna ask a couple of questions. I’m gonna do the whole hand raise thing.

Who actually manages their own properties in the room? Just give me a sort of a show of hands. Okay, so a few. So those of you who don’t manage your own properties, are the rest of you using agents? Hands up. So couples, so there’s people in here who are doing neither, okay. And then another sort of round robin question, just so I get a feel of the room. Who is confident about walking towards a conflict situation? Hand up. So again, not many.

Okay, maybe. Okay, so what we’re to talk about this afternoon for the next 15 minutes, and I’m happy to take questions after is basically how to consciously manage conflict, because we have to. And one of the things I will say is that when we are conscious about anything, we have to be aware of our own behaviors and tendencies and patterns that we operate linked into a scenario and into a situation. Because some of you will have heard that we’re 95 % habit.

And when we’re 95 % habit, what’s our natural reaction to the situation that is in front of us? So if we’re consciously managing conflict, we have to be aware of who we are to start with. A key message on this is that you may not always resolve conflict, but you will absolutely, oops, you will absolutely have to manage it.

So just bear that in mind, it’s a key point. You may not always resolve it, but you’re gonna have to manage it.

Caroline Pattinson (02:14.049)

And knowing how to and actually doing it are two different things. So if you’re not confident at the moment, think as we’re going through the talk about what do I need to learn? What maybe can I do differently? Who can I get to work with me to deal with this? And what you’ll see on the slides is a QR code. If anybody wants to contact me afterwards, scan that, it’ll direct you straight to LinkedIn, and then you can send me any messages, any questions that you may have after the event.

So first things first, there’s another key message in this as well. Conflict is inevitable. Conflict will happen. You cannot live your life without conflict. It will come at you in one guise or another. I’m smiling as I’m saying this because I’ve tried to avoid it for a long time when I was a lot younger. It just comes at you from one guise or another. So learning how to use it, how to work with it, how to manage it will really truly benefit you in every relationship you’re in.

Why is it inevitable? It’s inevitable because the longer amount of time, and I know we talked about HMOs and this is exactly the same for HMOs, we’re at the HMO award. The amount of time you spend with someone is a direct correlation and relation to how much conflict you will experience with them. So the more time people spend together, the more likelihood there is to be conflict. And when we’re running HMOs and…

The speaker before was talking about how to get a good tenant. There was another speaker earlier about, I know someone has spoken at this conference about how to recruit your tenants. That’s my word for it. You recruit your tenants. When we’re combining, when we’re collating an HMO, we are bringing different cultures together in one home. And every one of us individually all has our own different culture that we try and blend into.

a home where there’s no conflict. It’s just not going to happen. I can tell you some great stories about it. And then of course what we’re doing, they’re in sconce, they don’t know each other, they’re in sconce in a property, clearly they’ve got their own spaces, but they’ve got shared space, whatever that might look like, could be a kitchen, could be not, could be the TV room or whatever it is that you provide them with. So they don’t know each other. So all those cultures are coming in together.

Caroline Pattinson (04:43.233)

With those cultures come different standards. And when you’ve got different standards coming into a house, it can create conflict. Because what somebody’s standards here, but somebody else’s standard is there, there’s going to be a clash. So expect there to be conflict.

And quite often, and I’ve got a definition of conflict, which I’ll show, it’ll come up on the slide in a minute. But quite often, the clash happens and people don’t even know why it happens, because they’re not self aware enough to know that there’s a complete difference. And if any of you ever have a tenant that has OCD, they’re great in some respects, because they cleave things sparkling clean. And then of course, the next tenant isn’t OCD and doesn’t. And that isn’t that

creator clash, I can assure you because I’ve got it in one of my HMOs. So a definition, and let’s put it up, I’ve used this definition, my background is leadership management consultancy, I’ve done it for decades, a very long time, and been into the HMO world since, or property since 2011, HMOs 2012, 13. This is a definition of conflict from a previous life, if you like, but it absolutely applies.

So for there to be conflict, there has to be at least two interdependent parties for conflict to occur. When we’re talking about an interdependent person, independent people, it can be you with you. Does anybody ever have that conversation in your head where you’re sort of arguing with yourself? You say something, you want to do it, but you don’t, you want to say this and you don’t say that. So conflict can be an internal thing and it can be an external thing.

And when we’re talking about HMOs, it can of course be person, so it can be an internal thing for us for an individual, but it can also be between one and one. Or, depending on the HMO, the size of the HMO, same as you would a team in an ordinary working environment, you may get cliques form in an HMO. So what you could have is an inter-team, if you like, an inter-click conflict. You’ve got…

Caroline Pattinson (06:59.072)

these two over here, having a go at these two over here. So you get little cleaves formed. Be aware of it because it does happen. So it has to be at least two interdependent parties. So why are people in an HMO interdependent? Because they’ve got to live together. They’re in the same house, they’re in the same home, if that’s what you are creating.

And they perceive incompatible goals. Now we’re all goal driven all of the time. Every single one of us, everything we do is with a goal behind it. We might not always know what that goal is. The more conscious we are about who we are, what we do, why we do what we do, then we know the goals that driving us. It’s our inner motive, if you like. But they perceive incompatible goals.

One of the ways around this, and I’ve got a seven point key slide at the end, one of the ways around this is to actually create their goals for them before they move into the house. So you’ve got a set of standards, you’ve got a set of guidelines, you’ve got, if you like, the house rules, whatever you want to call them, that they all agree to abide by. When they know that, it’s much easier for you then to manage it because they’ve agreed to the guidelines. And I’m not saying get them to sign it, but you’ve had the conversation with them.

if it’s you or whether it’s the agent, depending on who’s managing the property. And then the last one on here is an interference from the other party in achieving their goals. So what happens, I have this, somebody wants to get up in the morning, this is true story, somebody wants to get up in the morning, put the toast in the toaster, leave the crumbs on the work surface until they get home at lunch or in the evening or whatever. Someone else in the same house, true story, someone else in the same house is OCD.

Every time that happens, I get a text or a message or it goes into the WhatsApp group. I’m like, it’s crumbs on a counter. But the clashes and the standards are very real for the individual that doesn’t want to see those crumbs, apart from the fact that could attract mice. That’s whole other story. So thinking about the standards and the culture and what you put in as part of your initial welcome to the house is really important and it helps you consciously manage conflict.

Caroline Pattinson (09:14.868)

Prevention is always better than cure. So do what you can up front. Not nitpicking. It’s not micromanaging. It’s just being conscious that these things happen.

So who will be in conflict? this, I really thought about this one. Who will be in conflict? How many opportunities in relationships have you as the owner of the HMO got to be in conflict? So count on your fingers how many relationships you may be in conflict with. So it could be the lettings agent. It could be a tenant. It could be the cleaner.

And just recently for me, was a tenant and a refuse collector because the bins weren’t emptied and the police were involved. So I had to get involved in that. I managed my own. So think about how many relationship opportunities you have to be in conflict with or through. And then you can minimise that whole scenario and situation by knowing in advance there’s a potential for it to happen. And you can put in place the boundaries and the agreements to stop it happening. Remember, prevention is always better than cure.

Caroline Pattinson (10:25.258)

Okay, let’s go on. So, who will be in conflict? Absolutely, it depends. It depends on how you are with handling relationships. And one thing I’ll say, and I’ll talk about it a bit more in detail in a minute or two, the sooner you can nip conflict in the bud, the sooner you can nip the niggles in the bud, the better off you will be, the house will be, the home will be, and everybody involved in it will be.

And it’s about noticing that things are different. Whether you’ve got your cleaner telling you that they’ve noticed something, whether you’ve got your agent telling you you’ve noticed something, or whether you, on your periodical inspections, how often you do those, if you manage them yourselves, you’ll notice things. If you have a relationship with your tenants, they’ll tell you things. And I absolutely agree with the, and I do apologize, I forgot his name, guy that was speaking earlier, the story you get is not always the true story. So be investigative about.

What’s the story? Find out what the real story is, the truth is.

And then roles you can adopt. Again, this comes from my consultancy work back in the day, but this is absolutely true. And I’m going to talk about the bottom one first as a negotiator. If you’re involved in any conflict resolution, conflict management, I would really advise you not to adopt the role of negotiator. And negotiation is where you give and take. And when you give and take, sometimes words come out like, can you do me a favor of? And what we have to remember is this is our business.

You know, we’re not their parents, they’re all adults. Adults don’t always act like adults. There’s all sorts of things going on. So please really consider not using negotiator if you can avoid it. But the other two you will absolutely have to use if it’s you getting involved in the conflict. And this is conflict in any relationship. You will become a mediator. So a very brief description of a mediator is where there’s two party at loggerheads, you stand in as the third party objective and you listen to both sides.

Caroline Pattinson (12:30.078)

And fingers crossed, hopefully, those two different sides come to a decision amongst themselves about how they are going to move forward. you hand the ownership over to them. And the other one, an arbitrator, and you will absolutely have to adopt this role, is you make the decision. An arbitrator is the judge and jury. You tell people what they are to do. You make the decision for them. And then they do it or don’t. But again, it’s…

Those two roles you will definitely, definitely use in managing conflict, especially if you’re managing it consciously, because you’ll choose the role that you’re going to use.

Caroline Pattinson (13:07.806)

And then seven steps to conscious conflict. I mean, you can read those up on the screen, but again, I’ll just talk through them. Prevention is always better than cure, always. And expect disagreements, prepare for them. And remember, the longer people are together, the time they are together, the more likelihood that conflict is going to happen. And you’re putting, especially if you’re doing a new HMO,

You’re putting people together and there’s no, if you like, foundation of anything or anybody in the house, because you generally get somebody that takes control of, I don’t know, toilet rolls or whatever it is. So expect disagreements, prepare for it. Create the culture and manage it. You’re putting different people together. So when you’re agreeing your boundaries, you’re creating a culture for the house, but you’re creating a culture for their home. How you interact with them creates the culture as well.

So whether you’re going to be there for them for their problems or you’re not, whether your agent is going to be there for them for their problems or not. Can they talk to you about the fact that they’ve lost their job and how do they claim benefits because they’re dyslexic and they can’t do anything online. They don’t have an email account. Work out what it is you’re going to help or not help for your tenants and what you can request your agents to do.

Tell them exactly what you want, creating those boundaries. Is your phone going to be permanently on or are you only going to take calls from 9 o’clock until 5? Have those conversations upfront, especially if you’re managing it on your own, for yourself. Walk your talk, if you say you’re going to do something, do it. If there’s a complaint about the property, whatever that might be, keep them informed, however you do that, whether it’s in a WhatsApp group or not, keep them informed about…

when that is going to be repaired because there’s nothing worse than a toilet flush or breaking and you don’t tell them when the plumber’s coming in. Again, if you’ve got a system use it, if you’re doing it yourself, just make sure the communication’s good. And this is a big one. Do not expect the tenants to deal with the conflict. They basically won’t. They’ll escalate it. They may not manage it. And depending on how they react and interact with you,

Caroline Pattinson (15:27.399)

you might get it when it’s just exploded. Because there are few people who, perhaps more than a few, but there are few people who have the conversation upfront and early. They’ll wait till things really boil and then they’ll express it and they’ll shout and they’ll scream and they’ll have an argument and it all goes a bit pear-shaped. So don’t expect the tenants to deal with it. Identify the severity from blip to crisis. And what I mean by this, if it’s a blip, it’s something, it’s a complete accident.

How you then deal with that is completely different to if it’s a crisis. And again, reality check, I’ve just dealt with really poor, bad, mean, atrocious, racist behaviour. Section 8, they were gone. So crisis, it’s almost like you’ve got an employment contract and it’s like gross misconduct, they’re out. And that was all through racist behaviour from an old tenant to a new tenant that went in. It was horrendous.

And the biggest thing about this is walk towards it, nip it in the bud. Nip it in the bud as quickly as you can. Don’t overreact. Deal with it calmly, collectively, consciously deal with it and nip it in the bud. And that little tornado there, the psychological piece of information. When conflict first happens, most people who are reasonable will be able to look at the problem, look at themselves.

and consider the other party. So you’ve got win-win when you’re at that stage. What happens the longer the conflict goes on for, the person will look at the problem and they will look at themselves. So the other party goes out the window. When the other party’s out the window, it’s very hard to mediate because they don’t care. And then when they get to the third stage of conflict, and with conflict, the fight or flight response kicks in. That’s what triggers inside us.

When you get to the real depth of conflict, they’ve been in it a while, the only person they care about is themselves. They can’t see the problem and they can’t see the other person. And if we let that happen, that is more difficult to deal with. You’ve still got to manage it, you may not resolve it. So that’s my 15 minutes of how to manage conflict consciously. There’s clearly a lot more to it.

Caroline Pattinson (17:47.432)

Scan the QR code if you want to contact me about any questions or anything. And is there any questions now? Has anybody got? Yes.