Conflict is an inevitable part of managing shared living environments like Houses in Multiple Occupation (HMOs). Whether you’re a hands-on landlord or work through agents, understanding how to consciously manage interpersonal friction within your properties is essential—not just for tenant well-being, but for long-term profitability.
In this article, we explore the psychology of conflict, the unique pressures of shared living, and a roadmap for preventing disputes from spiralling. The goal isn’t always resolution—but it must be conscious, early, and proactive management. And when done right, it creates longer, happier tenancies and more stable rental income.
Why Conflict Is Inevitable in Shared Living
Any time multiple people co-exist in the same space, tension is bound to arise. In an HMO, where tenants often have no prior relationship, shared spaces like kitchens or bathrooms can quickly become battlegrounds for differing habits, cultural standards, and personal boundaries.
Conflict arises more frequently the longer people live together. It’s a natural bi-product of close proximity combined with incompatible expectations. One tenant’s “normal” may be another’s nightmare—particularly when it comes to cleanliness, noise, or sharing common amenities. Think of one tenant with OCD-level cleanliness standards, sharing a home with someone who leaves toast crumbs on the counter every morning. Without clear expectations, this becomes a source of daily stress and, eventually, conflict.
The solution? Don’t try to avoid conflict. Instead, learn how to manage it consciously and constructively.
Conscious Conflict Management Starts With Self-Awareness
Managing conflict consciously means more than just dealing with outbursts when they happen. It requires the HMO owner or manager to develop a keen awareness of their own behaviour, patterns, and tendencies. This is crucial because most human responses are habitual—around 95% of our reactions are subconscious habits formed over time.
When you act out of habit rather than conscious choice, it’s easy to escalate situations unintentionally or avoid difficult conversations altogether. But being proactive, empathetic, and measured in your response is a skill—and like any skill, it can be developed.
Set the Standards Before Conflict Begins
One of the most effective ways to manage conflict is to prevent it from taking root in the first place. Prevention is always better than cure.
Start by defining the culture of your property during onboarding. Provide tenants with clear guidelines or “house rules” that outline expectations around cleaning, shared responsibilities, quiet hours, guest policies, and communication. When tenants agree to these upfront—either verbally or in writing—it becomes significantly easier to manage future disagreements.
This isn’t about micromanaging. It’s about creating structure and setting a tone. When tenants know what’s expected and what their neighbours have agreed to as well, they’re more likely to respect the environment and less likely to fall into cycles of conflict.
Understand the Root Cause of Tenant Disputes
Conflict can arise between individuals (tenant vs. tenant), within groups (cliques forming in larger HMOs), or even between tenants and landlords, cleaners, or third-party agents. Understanding the psychology behind conflict helps you approach it strategically.
Conflict typically involves:
- Two or more interdependent parties (i.e., people who share space, resources, or routines),
- Perceived incompatible goals (e.g., one tenant wants peace and quiet, another wants to party),
- Interference by one party in achieving the goals of the other.
By identifying these elements early, you can intervene before a full-blown crisis develops. For example, when crumbs on a kitchen counter turn into an ongoing dispute between tenants, it’s not about the crumbs—it’s about conflicting standards. And often, tenants aren’t self-aware enough to recognize why they’re upset.
As the landlord or manager, your role is to step in, understand both sides, and either mediate or arbitrate (depending on severity), ensuring everyone feels heard and the rules are enforced consistently.
Conflict Management Roles: Mediator vs. Arbitrator
When stepping into a conflict, you must decide what role you’re going to play:
- Mediator: You act as an objective third party, helping both tenants express their concerns and come to a resolution together. You facilitate conversation but don’t make decisions for them.
- Arbitrator: You listen to both sides, make a judgment, and enforce an outcome. This is essential in cases where no mutual agreement can be reached or when behaviour crosses serious boundaries.
Avoid taking on the role of “negotiator” in these situations. You’re not there to barter or ask for favours—you’re managing a business. Set clear expectations, enforce rules, and communicate with authority.
Don’t Expect Tenants to Manage Conflict Themselves
This is a crucial point. Most tenants won’t resolve issues on their own. They’ll let tensions simmer until things explode, or they’ll withdraw entirely and let resentment build. By the time they bring a problem to you, it’s often reached a critical point.
It’s your job to proactively monitor the property and tenant relationships. If you manage the property yourself, pay close attention during inspections. If you work through agents, ensure they’re trained to spot early signs of tension and escalate them appropriately.
Use tools like WhatsApp groups, regular check-ins, or cleaner feedback to stay informed. And when conflict arises, act swiftly—before the issue festers into something far more damaging.
From Blip to Crisis: Assessing the Severity
Not all conflicts are equal. Learn to distinguish between a simple “blip” (e.g., miscommunication about chores) and a full-blown crisis (e.g., bullying, racism, or aggressive behaviour).
Blips can be managed with a quick check-in, a reminder of house rules, and mediation if needed. Crises require immediate, decisive action—including evictions under Section 8 in extreme cases of harassment or dangerous behaviour.
The key is to respond proportionately and early. Conflict escalates quickly when left unmanaged. A small issue can snowball into a hostile living environment, causing high turnover, bad reviews, and even reputational damage.
Create a Strong Culture of Communication
Tenants should feel like they can raise issues before they become major problems. That doesn’t mean you’re on call 24/7, but it does mean having clear boundaries and channels for communication.
Make it clear when and how tenants can reach you (or your agent), what types of issues warrant urgent attention, and how you’ll follow up. If tenants report maintenance issues, always keep them informed about timelines and next steps. Radio silence breeds frustration.
Trust and transparency go a long way in preventing unnecessary conflict.
Final Takeaway: Nip It in the Bud, Every Time
When conflict happens—and it will—the most effective response is swift, calm, and structured intervention. Don’t let it grow into resentment. Don’t hope it will “just blow over.”
Conscious conflict management is about more than keeping the peace. It’s about creating a place where tenants feel respected, heard, and safe. And when tenants feel like they’re living in a supportive, well-managed environment, they stay longer, pay on time, and tell their friends.
That’s the kind of HMO business worth building.
Conflict is an inevitable part of managing shared living environments like Houses in Multiple Occupation (HMOs). Whether you’re a hands-on landlord or work through agents, understanding how to consciously manage interpersonal friction within your properties is essential—not just for tenant well-being, but for long-term profitability.
In this article, we explore the psychology of conflict, the unique pressures of shared living, and a roadmap for preventing disputes from spiralling. The goal isn’t always resolution—but it must be conscious, early, and proactive management. And when done right, it creates longer, happier tenancies and more stable rental income.
Why Conflict Is Inevitable in Shared Living
Any time multiple people co-exist in the same space, tension is bound to arise. In an HMO, where tenants often have no prior relationship, shared spaces like kitchens or bathrooms can quickly become battlegrounds for differing habits, cultural standards, and personal boundaries.
Conflict arises more frequently the longer people live together. It’s a natural bi-product of close proximity combined with incompatible expectations. One tenant’s “normal” may be another’s nightmare—particularly when it comes to cleanliness, noise, or sharing common amenities. Think of one tenant with OCD-level cleanliness standards, sharing a home with someone who leaves toast crumbs on the counter every morning. Without clear expectations, this becomes a source of daily stress and, eventually, conflict.
The solution? Don’t try to avoid conflict. Instead, learn how to manage it consciously and constructively.
Conscious Conflict Management Starts With Self-Awareness
Managing conflict consciously means more than just dealing with outbursts when they happen. It requires the HMO owner or manager to develop a keen awareness of their own behaviour, patterns, and tendencies. This is crucial because most human responses are habitual—around 95% of our reactions are subconscious habits formed over time.
When you act out of habit rather than conscious choice, it’s easy to escalate situations unintentionally or avoid difficult conversations altogether. But being proactive, empathetic, and measured in your response is a skill—and like any skill, it can be developed.
Set the Standards Before Conflict Begins
One of the most effective ways to manage conflict is to prevent it from taking root in the first place. Prevention is always better than cure.
Start by defining the culture of your property during onboarding. Provide tenants with clear guidelines or “house rules” that outline expectations around cleaning, shared responsibilities, quiet hours, guest policies, and communication. When tenants agree to these upfront—either verbally or in writing—it becomes significantly easier to manage future disagreements.
This isn’t about micromanaging. It’s about creating structure and setting a tone. When tenants know what’s expected and what their neighbours have agreed to as well, they’re more likely to respect the environment and less likely to fall into cycles of conflict.
Understand the Root Cause of Tenant Disputes
Conflict can arise between individuals (tenant vs. tenant), within groups (cliques forming in larger HMOs), or even between tenants and landlords, cleaners, or third-party agents. Understanding the psychology behind conflict helps you approach it strategically.
Conflict typically involves:
- Two or more interdependent parties (i.e., people who share space, resources, or routines),
- Perceived incompatible goals (e.g., one tenant wants peace and quiet, another wants to party),
- Interference by one party in achieving the goals of the other.
By identifying these elements early, you can intervene before a full-blown crisis develops. For example, when crumbs on a kitchen counter turn into an ongoing dispute between tenants, it’s not about the crumbs—it’s about conflicting standards. And often, tenants aren’t self-aware enough to recognize why they’re upset.
As the landlord or manager, your role is to step in, understand both sides, and either mediate or arbitrate (depending on severity), ensuring everyone feels heard and the rules are enforced consistently.
Conflict Management Roles: Mediator vs. Arbitrator
When stepping into a conflict, you must decide what role you’re going to play:
- Mediator: You act as an objective third party, helping both tenants express their concerns and come to a resolution together. You facilitate conversation but don’t make decisions for them.
- Arbitrator: You listen to both sides, make a judgment, and enforce an outcome. This is essential in cases where no mutual agreement can be reached or when behaviour crosses serious boundaries.
Avoid taking on the role of “negotiator” in these situations. You’re not there to barter or ask for favours—you’re managing a business. Set clear expectations, enforce rules, and communicate with authority.
Don’t Expect Tenants to Manage Conflict Themselves
This is a crucial point. Most tenants won’t resolve issues on their own. They’ll let tensions simmer until things explode, or they’ll withdraw entirely and let resentment build. By the time they bring a problem to you, it’s often reached a critical point.
It’s your job to proactively monitor the property and tenant relationships. If you manage the property yourself, pay close attention during inspections. If you work through agents, ensure they’re trained to spot early signs of tension and escalate them appropriately.
Use tools like WhatsApp groups, regular check-ins, or cleaner feedback to stay informed. And when conflict arises, act swiftly—before the issue festers into something far more damaging.
From Blip to Crisis: Assessing the Severity
Not all conflicts are equal. Learn to distinguish between a simple “blip” (e.g., miscommunication about chores) and a full-blown crisis (e.g., bullying, racism, or aggressive behaviour).
Blips can be managed with a quick check-in, a reminder of house rules, and mediation if needed. Crises require immediate, decisive action—including evictions under Section 8 in extreme cases of harassment or dangerous behaviour.
The key is to respond proportionately and early. Conflict escalates quickly when left unmanaged. A small issue can snowball into a hostile living environment, causing high turnover, bad reviews, and even reputational damage.
Create a Strong Culture of Communication
Tenants should feel like they can raise issues before they become major problems. That doesn’t mean you’re on call 24/7, but it does mean having clear boundaries and channels for communication.
Make it clear when and how tenants can reach you (or your agent), what types of issues warrant urgent attention, and how you’ll follow up. If tenants report maintenance issues, always keep them informed about timelines and next steps. Radio silence breeds frustration.
Trust and transparency go a long way in preventing unnecessary conflict.
Final Takeaway: Nip It in the Bud, Every Time
When conflict happens—and it will—the most effective response is swift, calm, and structured intervention. Don’t let it grow into resentment. Don’t hope it will “just blow over.”
Conscious conflict management is about more than keeping the peace. It’s about creating a place where tenants feel respected, heard, and safe. And when tenants feel like they’re living in a supportive, well-managed environment, they stay longer, pay on time, and tell their friends.
That’s the kind of HMO business worth building.
